Lost in Translation: Why Shared Language Builds Trust and Connection
- Calliese
- Oct 2
- 5 min read
What if the biggest disconnect in your team, your coaching practice, relationships or even your family isn’t about values, but vocabulary?
We use powerful words every day: support, accountability, boundaries, trust, professionalism.
But how often do we pause to ask: “Do we mean the same thing?”
If each person defines these words differently, how can we apply them meaningfully?
Words are not neutral.
They are the tools we use to build trust, direction, and transformation. They shape understanding, guide behavior, and influence results. Without shared definitions, even our best intentions can create confusion, resistance, or disconnect.
In leadership, coaching, education, healthcare, or professional growth of any kind, transformation doesn’t start with action; it starts with clarity. Creating clarity is itself a transformational experience.
When we define our words with intention, we create deeper alignment, not just in what we do, but in how and why we do it.
Words shape understanding. Understanding shapes behavior. Behavior shapes results.
If we want aligned action, we need shared meaning. Because language isn’t just about communication~ it’s about connection.
Why Shared Language Prevents Misalignment in Teams and Relationships
Saying “we value boundaries” or “we need support” means little if each person defines those words differently.
One person might think support means “being present.” Another might define it as “offering solutions.” Without a shared definition of what those words look and feel like, we lack clarity.
As Lindquist, MacCormack, and Shablack (2015) explain, the words we use become the architecture of our reality. They frame expectations, influence decisions, and shape culture. Without clarity, even the most genuine connection can turn into conflict.
And without shared meaning, even our most well-meaning words become unintentional blind spots.
Misunderstanding Is Not Resistance, It’s Miscommunication
Most people aren’t resisting growth; they’re simply interpreting words through their own lens.
For one person, accountability might feel empowering. For another, it might sound punitive. In coaching, leadership, partnerships, teams, or families, assuming shared meaning creates unnecessary tension.
When we slow down and define our words together, we build understanding before asking for action. That simple shift transforms resistance into connection.
And when we are clear on what is expected of us, we are able to deliver with confidence or humbly admit we cannot provide what’s expected.
Stipulated Definitions: The Missing Link Between Words and Meaning
A stipulated definition is when we intentionally define a word and its meaning for a specific context, even if that differs from common usage.
For example:
“When I say healing, I don’t mean the absence of pain; I mean the ability to stay present in the midst of it. I mean the ability to be better in all areas of life, to improve, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, etc.”
This is powerful because we’re not denying other meanings, we’re simply clarifying our interpretation, and inviting others to do the same.
Why this matters:
Prevents misapplication- “Accountability” defined as empowerment feels very different than “accountability” defined as punishment.
Invites depth- By asking “What do you mean by this word?”, you shift surface talk into transformation.
Builds shared trust- Stipulated definitions don’t require universal truth; they create alignment in context.
We do not debate ideas; we debate illusions until we define our terms.
Whether you’re leading a team, working with a client, or strengthening a relationship, one of the most powerful things you can say is:
“Here’s what I mean when I say… What do you mean?”
This practice doesn’t require agreement on absolute truth. Instead, it creates alignment around context. It prevents assumptions, reduces conflict, and builds trust.
For leaders, coaches, and anyone invested in personal and professional growth, this is a foundational life skill. Shared language builds shared success.
What Do Your Words Really Mean? Reflect Before You Speak
Ask yourself:
What words do I use often, but haven’t clearly defined?
What do I mean when I say them?
How did I develop that meaning?
What might others think I mean?
What would shift if we defined it together?
This simple reflection can turn everyday words into tools for transformation.
3 Ways to Put Shared Language Into Practice in Work, Coaching, or Life
Name the Word- Choose one central to your personal or professional life (e.g., respect, accountability, trust, healing).
Define It Together- Ask your team, client, student, or partner: “What does this word mean to you?” Then share your own.
Integrate It Into Practice- Use that shared definition intentionally in conversations, journaling, coaching sessions, teaching, or team culture.
Language becomes powerful when we use it with intention.
Shared Language: The Foundation of Growth in Coaching, Leadership, and Life
Whether you’re leading a business, coaching a client, teaching a class, or building a collaborative culture, shared language is the foundation of trust and alignment.
When we pause to define our words, we create clarity that travels across every relationship and every role we hold.
Calliese Alexandra Conner
Reflections:
If words build reality, what kind of world are your words shaping today?
What might change if you treated every word as a bridge rather than a barrier?
References:
Lindquist, K. A., MacCormack, J. K., & Shablack, H. (2015). The role of language in emotion: Predictions from a psychological constructionist model. Frontiers in Psychology, 6, 444. https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2015.00444/full
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What does “shared language” mean in communication?
Shared language means having clear, agreed-upon definitions for words so everyone operates with the same understanding. It reduces confusion and strengthens trust.
Why is shared language important for leaders, coaches, and professionals?
Without shared meaning, words like accountability, support, or boundaries can be misinterpreted. Defining them together prevents conflict, builds trust, and creates alignment in any professional or personal context.
How does shared language strengthen trust and connection?
When people define words collectively, they reduce assumptions and misunderstandings. This fosters empathy, reduces tension, and creates deeper trust across teams, partnerships, and communities.
What is a stipulated definition, and why does it matter?
A stipulated definition is when you intentionally define a word for a specific context. It doesn’t claim to be the only truth, it simply clarifies what you mean, helping others align with you and avoid confusion.
How can I start using shared language in my daily work or relationships?
Begin by choosing one word central to your work or life, asking others what it means to them, and agreeing on a shared definition. Then, use it intentionally in conversations, projects, or culture-building practices.
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