We always talk about the gift of recovery, and gifts of recovery can come in a variety of different ways... Well, this was the ULTIMATE gift of Recovery!
About a year ago I had really started doing work on myself(I know finally!). But what happened was I SLOWLY became honest with myself and my family… like REALLY honest! My mom would say things like “Calliese why don’t you treat me the way you treat other people!?”... and my response was raw, real, and not very pretty.
I said, “mom I’m sorry I don’t know why I do this but for some reason I sh*t on the people who are closest to me”. Which was her, unfortunately... But that day although the words were harsh she realized how important she was to me...
As time went on I started to do some work on my relationship with my mom. I wanted us to have this amazing mother-daughter relationship but didn’t know how to get there. So I started actually putting effort in by;
COMMUNICATION! Crazy right!?
Asking how she felt, how I could help
Actually listening and having empathy
I started to actually see my mom as someone special, someone who put everyone before herself, and I started to really appreciate her. But that wasn’t enough...
I wanted to make my mom happy, I wanted to solve all her problems! Well let me tell ya, my momma has been working in Recovery for 20 plus years and the last thing that was gonna help her was me trying to counsel her! She did not like that AT ALL! Well, all that did was spark my codependency right up! So I had to learn to back off, give her some space… which is easier said than done! But I did it!
June 30, 2020… it happened! The day, the moment I had been waiting for which felt like a century! It started out as a normal day in our house, mom was up early doing her morning reading and coffee outside. I walked outside gibbering about something random as usual and mom said “I think I’m going to apply for this job”.
I said “what!? No! Why?”
She broke down… and said she had lost her purpose.
I was so confused and baffled… My mom was on this high pedestal in my mind. She was this courageous, strong, boss b*tch woman that could run a business and be the glue to our family! Yet here she was finally letting her walls down to me and being vulnerable, and there I was actually present full of empathy and compassion for her. It was as if this had been the moment I had been preparing for! I gave her a hug and sat with her, listening and telling her I wish she could see what I see in her. I said, “mom you have been everyone’s rock, you have been helping me for years and it’s time for you to let me help you”. I remember saying those words as if I had been rehearsing them over and over in my head for the right moment. I told mom not to apply for that job, I said mom give me 30 days! Let’s do something together, let’s start a business! Which mom and I have always spoken about big dreams, ideas, and support we’d like to offer others but never actually put the work in!
It happened, she finally let me in and let me help her! Which was honestly the best gift I have EVER received in my Recovery because I love that woman so much and seeing her happy and confident really warms my heart! But this day, this conversation, this breakdown was the start of Recovery Coach Academy!
So for all the mommas and daughters out there striving for this relationship, be patient. Be kind. Start making changes.
Although it will be uncomfortable, strange, and difficult sometimes. It will be SO worth it!
P.S mom says it needs to happen more than one day a century!